project 365 is back on track...

...although now it's more along the lines of project 324, because I've missed so many days over the past few weeks.

In the days and weeks following the miscarriage, Dean and I took more quiet time than normal. Time at home just chatting, or watching television.Pajama days and napping on the couch. Hot baths, magazine reading and early bedtimes. Ignoring the renovation "to do" list and putting work life on the back burner.

Valentine's evening, we stayed in rather than heading out into the restaurant crowds, and were in bed early. But by 2 am, we both realized neither of us could sleep. So we got up, snuggled up with blankets on a sofa each, nibbled on the snacks Dean ventured out to get and watched all the Tivo'ed episodes of "24" and "Fringe" we had missed. Looking at Dean then, I realized more than ever that I'd rather be married to him and never have a child, than be married to anyone else and have a brood of kids.

This time was what we needed. It was the beginning of us working through the fact that I was losing the baby, that our hope of becoming parents was not going to be realized just yet. But also a time when I gained a lot of perspective, and was reminded of everything I have around me that I am grateful for.

This past week, I got back to a normal routine - working more regularly than I had been, dinners out with our friend Schroeder and his wife Devin, "Slumdog Millionaire" at the movie theater with my friend Nance, a dinner party at my friend and co-worker Jen's house, hosting a family BBQ this evening. It feels good to be back to, well, life. Though I will admit,  an occasional pajama day is still more than welcome...

Comments

[Elizabeth]

I'm so happy to read about how well you've been taking care of each other. And when you look back at your photos from the year, you won't regret taking a single one of them. That's the only thing that matters, not that you're missing some. Still thinking of you--in fact, email me your address because I have something to send you next time I can get to the post office...

[Mary Jo]

Thinking of you.

[Sarah]

Glad to hear you're able to put it all in perspective! You're a trooper :) See you soon.

[nadine]

sometimes that is exactly what you need. :)