no dress rehearsal

dear elizabeth

Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for your sweet and thoughtful gift. You cannot imagine my excitement when I opened the carefully wrapped package delivered by my friendly post man today and it contained...

...PEANUT BUTTER & CO CINNAMON RAISIN SWIRL PEANUT BUTTER! No truly, you cannot imagine my excitement (I am the first to admit the amount of excitement I display for this much loved peanut butter, which is impossible to obtain in Newfoundland, may be considered excessive for a grown woman). Sheer joy, indeed. It's the little things that make life enjoyable, such as a favorite peanut butter on warm toast, with the pb melting into the bread just right. Pure comfort.

Your gift arrived at the perfect time, in the middle of a week filled with the struggles of recovering from pneumonia, fertility treatment disappointments, a work week of paperwork woes and building anxiety of a major life change to come. All that took a back burner when I sat with my peanut butter this evening (with a cut up apple and a cup of hot tea, one of my favorite ways to enjoy my treat) and nibbled away. When you haven't had a favorite in a while, there's always a risk it's not what you've built it up to be in its absence. But not this time - it's as good as I remember it.
 
Your gift provided the perfect reminder that geography doesn't dictate friendship, and even though friends and family may be far away in the physical sense, they can always be kept close in the heart. And on the cusp of another pending move, with lives soon to be disrupted and roots pulled and replanted, it's the very reminder that I needed. I hope that you and your family know the same in your hearts, and that the soil of Wyoming proves fertile and nourishing as you replant the Dillow roots.

what a difference a day makes

Life has been busy. Overwhelmingly so, in fact. In addition to the continued house renovations (house, will thee ever be renovated?) there's been travel, cakes, regular day to day care of home & family, and occupational therapy work. My workplace is down by three therapists who we have not been able to replace, and my part time gig had been growing into a full time, 5 day a week venture as a result.

During a recent trip, Dean and I ended up evaluating how our life is going. Trips away from home always result in a new perspective for me, how about you? That little bit of distance gives me an opportunity to see things in a whole new light, an ability to step back to see the broader picture that is often missed in the day to day of living life.

When I am doing too much, I sort of feel like I'm running to stand still - rushing around trying to check things off my list and getting nothing accomplished in the frantic process, taking nothing away from the experience but a stressful, nagging feeling that I'm somehow failing at home and at work.

The first step has been to take Friday off from work, declaring it as a "home chore" day. Monday to Thursday has me getting everything done I can at work. When Friday comes, my day is spent tidying the house, doing laundry and grocery shopping - everything that used to take up the weekend. This is my first week on such a schedule. It is truly amazing what a difference a day makes. How nice it felt this morning to know a long list of chores wasn't waiting for me when arising. Today I have time to relax a little, perhaps hang a few pictures or do other final renovation touches that are more like fun and less like work.

I realize that I am extremely fortunate to have the means to be able to work one day less and take the time to focus on getting that unpaid, often under appreciated work done. Many are forced by economic circumstances to do it all - working outside the home full time or more, then rushing back home to take care of husbands, kids, pets, the house. Some take on the "super mom" role and do it all by choice, and many are able to get it done all while well coiffed with style to spare. Society seems to reward those who take it on, manage the stress, do more, more, more.

Me? Well, I think I'll choose not to manage the stress, but minimize it. Take on a little less to have a little more - more time to spare, more breathing room. Approach each task in a peaceful, mindful way. Live life with less hustle, and more grace. Perhaps it is not society's way, but it seems to be what will work for my family.

I've never been so grateful to have dean working at the office today...

...because when I heard about this, I knew he was safe, and I wasn't one of the families left wondering if their loved one is going to be found.

Dean has been working in Newfoundland for almost two years now and, although he doesn't go offshore as much as he did when we were down south, I've dropped him off at the Cougar heliport to fly to one of the offshore oil rigs many a time. In fact, the Cougar helicopter fleet only consists of 4 choppers. Chances are Dean has flown on the very one that experienced some sort of mechanical failure and ditched into the Atlantic Ocean 65 kms off of the Newfoundland coastline this morning, with one man found alive, one dead and 16 still missing. In fact, some of the crew Dean works with, including our very good friend Schroeder, flew in from a rig on a Cougar helicopter a day or two ago.

Lots of unanswered questions about what happened, ones that will be resolved in good time. But for now, I'll focus on hoping and praying for the 18 people who were flying out on that helicopter, just heading to work to provide a good life for themselves and their families.

I do know how very lucky I felt this evening when I walked in our front door and saw Dean sitting at the kitchen table, with a realization that if he was scheduled for a rig visit today, I may have been coming home to an empty house.

A very sad day for Newfoundland.

project 365 is back on track...

...although now it's more along the lines of project 324, because I've missed so many days over the past few weeks.

In the days and weeks following the miscarriage, Dean and I took more quiet time than normal. Time at home just chatting, or watching television.Pajama days and napping on the couch. Hot baths, magazine reading and early bedtimes. Ignoring the renovation "to do" list and putting work life on the back burner.

Valentine's evening, we stayed in rather than heading out into the restaurant crowds, and were in bed early. But by 2 am, we both realized neither of us could sleep. So we got up, snuggled up with blankets on a sofa each, nibbled on the snacks Dean ventured out to get and watched all the Tivo'ed episodes of "24" and "Fringe" we had missed. Looking at Dean then, I realized more than ever that I'd rather be married to him and never have a child, than be married to anyone else and have a brood of kids.

This time was what we needed. It was the beginning of us working through the fact that I was losing the baby, that our hope of becoming parents was not going to be realized just yet. But also a time when I gained a lot of perspective, and was reminded of everything I have around me that I am grateful for.

This past week, I got back to a normal routine - working more regularly than I had been, dinners out with our friend Schroeder and his wife Devin, "Slumdog Millionaire" at the movie theater with my friend Nance, a dinner party at my friend and co-worker Jen's house, hosting a family BBQ this evening. It feels good to be back to, well, life. Though I will admit,  an occasional pajama day is still more than welcome...

keep calm and carry on

I have been wanting to order one of these posters ever since I saw Lisa's posted on sweet Suzanne's blog. Most certainly in red, to hang perhaps in my craft area (it would look lovely next to the gray-blue colored walls), or maybe in a yet undiscovered nook that will hopefully be carved out in this house as the renovations continue, and serve as a little relaxation spot for me.

Last Sunday night, Dean and I were going about our normal business, passing a productive evening grouting our kitchen counter tops (how sad that this has become what I consider a "normal evening"). It was about 8:30 when we heard a big "crash" from outside. Dean immediately ran out the front door, as did many of our neighbors (nothing brings neighbors outside like a loud, metal-on-metal crashing noise).

To make a long, dramatic story shorter, a man driving down the street hit our truck, which was parked in front of our house. A couple of police cars came, took statements from Dean and other neighbors and administered the driver the breathalyzer. He failed, was charged with impaired driving, and was taken away. To make matters worse, the next day we found out he didn't have insurance.

At first, I was mighty angry about the whole thing. Of course, I thought of the vehicle damages and the hassle to get it all fixed. Then I began thinking about all the "what-if's" - what if he had hit a car full of people or a pedestrian walking down the street? What if he seriously hurt, or even killed someone? At first, it was easy to be angry. Then I met the driver.

He's probably in his 60's, and looks like he has been around the block more than once. He knew that he didn't have insurance, and showed up on our doorstep a couple of days after, hoping that we would settle with him privately. He already had to go through the court system for the drunk driving charge, and didn't want to have to get additional courts and lawyers involved if our insurance came after him for our damages, which they most certainly would have had we filed. He told us his story, and wanted to pay for the damages out of pocket. Honestly, he looked like he could ill-afford it. His family, who we met when they came to deal with the removal of his vehicle the night of the accident, were nice and seemed concerned, but certainly didn't appear well off. In fact, they seemed quite the opposite. We gave him a chance, but had major doubts that he would return with $3800.00, the amount of our estimate. Actually, we thought there was no way we'd hear from this guy again.

Many think we're crazy not to have filed with the insurance company right away, but we felt like it was the right thing to do to give him the opportunity to pay for the truck repairs. He will be punished for the drunk driving charge, and we saw no reason to make his legal troubles greater with the insurance issue. He made a mistake. Granted, it was a big one, but we've all made bad decisions. Perhaps there's a reason the accident wasn't as serious as it could have been. Perhaps this will serve as a lesson to him.

Or perhaps not. Maybe the wool has been pulled over our eyes on this one. But you know, I'd rather give every single person who passes through my life the benefit of the doubt and have a few pull one over on me, than assume the worst of everyone and end up doubting those who are sincere.

Dean was exceptional in dealing with this man and the whole situation, and I so appreciate and love him for it.

To our surprise, he showed up at our door two nights in a row, with the full $3800 in two installments. And the truck is currently in getting it's repairs

Oh, and I ordered the "keep calm and carry on" poster" in red. And I didn't even need to use my weekly budget jar money for it.